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There are some life changing events in your life and leaves a profound impact. For all the mishaps I've caused for myself, I just want to start over and make it right this time around. However...I'm at a lost of direction. There is one path I want to walk to...but lets just say theres an invisible wall standing in my way. If I walk pass this wall... everything deliciate about it will shatter and fall on my image which then will cut and scar. This is not what I worked so hard to do. I didn't make a time capsule to explode into a black hole...
but...I can't help but look through this invisible wall. Watch the smiles and butterflies grow, and hope its just a mirage. But what do I know about hope. It has always disappointed me. Faithless... this is where I find myself.
New doors are being opened to me. New people have given me the keys to open them. I still find myself sitting down beside these doors with the keys dangling along my fingers unable to open these new experiences. I keep looking at the one thats cracked open.. and thinking that just maybe it would open with a full heart again. Its totally unfair. It should not be like this. These new doors I want to be true to. I really want to be okay before I open them. ""jwe song hahm
nida..." It's time that I head home.. my home. If they can't understand it... well thats there lost. i'm not going to lose myself again... it was too hard. I've learned from my past.
currently reading maya angelou. the only hero I want in my life. because i've taken time to realize that im worth it, and im on your side. and its far more complicated for me to spell it out for you if you just realized... what i realized.. we would be perfect for each other. wish you would still meet me halfway.
Poor Girl ---Maya Angelou you've got another love and i know it someone who adores you just like me hanging on your words like they were gold thinking that she understands your soul poor girl just like me
you're breaking another heart and i know it and theres nothing i can do if i try to tell her what i know she'll misunderstand and make me go poor girl just like me
you're going to leave her too and i know it she'll never know what made you go she'll cry and wondery what went wrong then she'll begin to sing this song poor girl just like me
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| Hero in the Sky by me he fed me lies on a silver platter and i binged with a naive appetite as if words could ease the discomfort of unfinished dreams i wished to unravel with childlike fingers uncut by the sharp blades of heartache
and yet i believed him believed in all his fairy tales that melted my heart like ice cubes dying in a tall glass of summer's lemonade
i was convinced from his natural ability to mold his mouth against mine to form one romantic smile and his passion to discover the world with virtues his parents passed down to his humanity. that he could love me and i was the only girl in the world with beauty to captivate his heart
and as he slowly walked away into the night of dancing sweat drops brushing his face with mystified smiles of a younger temptress i thought love was enough to break her spell
but testostrone is quite bipolar allowing only one single rush of blood to philosophies strucken by half minds that flirt with curiosities and lust. boys are so young minded they are followers of their own hypocrisy
and ironically they sit down in coffee shops mixing their mochas with sprinkles of heartbreak spitting out confused tales of their innocence when they find themselves alone. They wonder where all the good girls gone when all the girls were in front of their faces. existing to fade while dancing away to a better hero in their sky. ..sigh. | | |
| SO. A Book moved me to move on.
I spent an hour at B&N just sitting there reading for fun. Something I haven't done in years. >_< But heck I think I got more out of the time than I could have got out of dealing with drama by myself.
"Don't let something ugly like desperation compromise who you are and what you think is important".
---This applies directly at a past.
"The truth is you were never that into him in the first place. Be honest, you were with him while you were waiting for something better to come along. He wasn't that great to begin with. But he was better than nothing. Or was he? You settled and got stuck".
These quotes came from two bartenders who decided to share a little bit of their wisdom to women by writing a book. I want to meet them and shake their hands... for reminding me about my own independence before I left it so far behind me. I'm moving on. Because I deserve so much better!!!!!! Yes Yes yes. I'm going to be alright =) Thank you for all your kind words and support.
Sincerely, C.Lee Girl ^_~
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