JuzDamnCynfuL
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Name: Beautiful


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Member Since: 7/21/2005

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Monday, March 19, 2007



------
There are some life changing events in your life and leaves a profound impact. For all the mishaps I've caused for myself, I just want to start over and make it right this time around. However...I'm at a lost of direction. There is one path I want to walk to...but  lets just say theres an invisible wall standing in my way. If I walk pass this wall... everything deliciate about it will shatter and  fall on my image which then will cut and scar. This is not what I worked so hard to do. I didn't make a time capsule to explode into a black hole...

but...I can't help but look through this invisible wall. Watch the smiles and butterflies grow, and hope its just a mirage. But what do I know about hope. It has always disappointed me. Faithless... this is where I find myself.

New doors are being opened to me. New people have given me the keys to open them. I still find myself sitting down beside these doors with the keys dangling along my fingers unable to open these new experiences. I keep looking at the one thats cracked open.. and thinking that just maybe it would open with a full heart again. Its totally unfair. It should not be like this. These new doors I want to be true to. I really want to be okay before I open them. 
""jwe song hahm nida..."  It's time that I head home.. my home. If they can't understand it... well thats there lost. i'm not going to lose myself again... it was too hard. I've learned from my past.

currently reading maya angelou.
the only hero I want in my life.
because i've taken time to realize
that im worth it, and im on your side.
and its far more complicated for me
to spell it out for you
if you just realized...
what i realized..
we would be perfect for each other.
wish you would still meet me halfway.

Poor Girl ---Maya Angelou
you've got another love
and i know it
someone who adores you
just like me
hanging on your words
like they were gold
thinking that she understands
your soul
poor girl
just  like me

you're breaking another heart
and i know it
and theres nothing
i can do
if i try to tell her
what i know
she'll misunderstand
and make me go
poor girl
just like me

you're going to leave her too
and i know it
she'll never know
what made you go
she'll cry and wondery
what went wrong
then she'll begin
to sing this song
poor girl
just like me




Monday, March 05, 2007

 

Hero in the Sky
by me

he fed me lies on a silver platter
and i binged with a naive appetite
as if words could ease the discomfort of
unfinished dreams i wished to unravel
with childlike fingers
uncut by the sharp blades of heartache

and yet i believed him
believed in all his fairy tales
that melted my heart like ice cubes
dying in a tall glass of summer's lemonade

i was convinced from his natural ability
to mold his mouth against mine
to form one romantic smile
and his passion to discover the world
with virtues his parents
passed down to his humanity.
that he could love me
and i was the only girl in the world
with beauty to captivate his heart

and as he slowly walked away
into the night of dancing sweat drops
brushing his face with mystified smiles
of a younger temptress
i thought love was enough to break her spell

but testostrone is quite bipolar
allowing only one single rush of blood
to philosophies strucken by half minds
that flirt with curiosities and lust.
boys are so young minded
they are followers of their own hypocrisy

and ironically they sit down in coffee shops
mixing their mochas with sprinkles of heartbreak
spitting out confused tales of their innocence
when they find themselves alone.
They wonder where all the good girls gone
when all the girls were in front of their faces.
existing to fade while
dancing away to a better hero in their sky.

..sigh.


Wednesday, February 28, 2007

SO. A Book moved me to move on.

I spent an hour at B&N just sitting there reading for fun. Something I haven't done in years. >_< But heck I think I got more out of the time than I could have got out of dealing with drama by myself.

"Don't let something ugly like desperation compromise who you are and what you think is important".

---This applies directly at a past.

"The truth is you were never that into him in the first place. Be honest, you were with him while you were waiting for something better to come along. He wasn't that great to begin with. But he was better than nothing. Or was he?
You settled and got stuck".

These quotes came from two bartenders who decided to share a little bit of their wisdom to women by writing a book. I want to meet them and shake their hands... for reminding me about my own independence before I left it so far behind me. I'm moving on. Because I deserve so much better!!!!!! Yes Yes yes. I'm going to be alright =) Thank you for all your kind words and support.


Sincerely,
C.Lee Girl ^_~


Wednesday, February 15, 2006





 
Flowers I got for Valentines Day. Aww....
Thank you Yuwei for the Sunflowers
Thank you Anh for the Mixed Flowers.
I really got some awesome friends here in GR.






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